confronting my wife's lover

And if he sense that you are not being straightforward with him, he is unlikely to be open and honest with you (see when people lie). Your confrontation is fresh conversational content for your husband and his affair partner. If you are going through it, I wish you faith, hope, and persistence. That is the time when she would come crawling to you. Turns out my wife is co-dependent and her AP is a malignant narcissist; she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. It seemed before that you were a boat of the rough seas, shoveling water out from the boat as more spilled aboard. As much as you love heryou might well be better off without her in your life, given what all has gone on. I hope this vignette is helpful to others thinking about whether to contact an AP. TBH I don't know what my game plan is. Apparently she has booked an appointment to see a councillor. The bottom line is that anyone who would knowingly sleep with a married man (or woman) especially when the wife is PREGNANT (as in my case) is a broken human being. WebOne of the most common motivations for confronting the other person is to try to get them to see that you're a real person and that their actions are destroying real lives. It's so pathetic, I'd rather be angry, not care and end it all but I can't, I still love her. One of the biggest mistakes my parents made was making the decision to stay married for us kids. You are no longer a husband, but an ex. Being in an affair has been likened to addiction, and in confronting the affair partner, you're trying to sober them up. When he ended the affair, the in-laws were enraged and drove 8 hours to our city to "comfort her" since she was so devastated. When the scales fall off his eyes, he will know his way home. She was sick spouse. I need advice on how to handle this with my wife - and if you help me I will post links to videos of her with face blurred Don't participate in this humiliating game. That is all. I traveled to a random country and got off the plane realizing it was a Muslim country. Over analysing this is doing my head in - I need to take action, however painful. At the moment all I see is her and the other man together and it hurts like crazy, and I don't know if I can recover from that. They might actually be crazy. Then, I will confront her openly. And again, what do you hope to accomplish by calling your wifes lover? If you go to her place of employment to cause her to maybe lose her job, well that is going beyond letting her (enjoy and) suffer the consequences of her actions, it is creating consequences by your initiative. This is just a new beginning. makes your wife really central. But the biggest reason not to confront the affair partner? We've only been married a year and I can't believe it could be the end. The conversation brought us both closer to the light. Plus, others opinions will confuse you. For me, it has helped immensely. I understand and agree with all of the 8 listed, however, my UW AP lives a couple miles down the road and we will inevitably run into each other. I have fantasized about that, but what is the best thing to say to her, if anything? I just told her I KNOW what is going on with XXXXX. But I didnt get that vibe from her at all. You might delude yourself into thinking you need to talk with the affair partner for reconnaissance purposes. It doesnt really matter if you confront the (lovers!). Like Robert said it really can create more issues and its not a fact that youll prove your That confusion, the distance, the glassy look that she has on display for the last month, is a typical symptom of wives/GFs who begin getting banged by another person. OK, so I realize youre probably in a very emotional state right now, and thats justified. But really, your wifes lovers are not the people with You have to know who you are and what you can handle. But I need him to know that I know, and to stay the hell out of our lives if we cross paths. I want to call his cell this morning and say "this is very awkward for me but do you have a couple minutes. And perhaps the most surprising feeling of all- elation, mixed with relief. Logically, I know she's crazy and was grasping at straws trying to "win." When you have all your ducks in a row, have gone past the PI phase, moved on with the evidence to an attorney, and the attorney has compiled it all together and made the initial moves and it is time to serve her the papers, you must still be nonchalant and appear ignorant about the giant moves underway. 2018 Truth About Deception. His lover is not a problem at all to me. It's an ego boost to your cheater. You need to divorce her right now. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Space Is Limited. I thought to myself - how on earth can I be sued she will be telling me the truth and not manipulating the situation. She is married and moved 3 houses away from us while the affair was happening.She pursued a friendship with me. If he has a lover aside from me, it is his cup of tea. Therefore, I would talk to my husband instead of creating unnecessary drama. They were married for 17 years and he died of stage 4 lung cancer at age 60. Ive heard rumors that my wife is cheating. If you are dealing with a specific problem, please see ask an But I'm glad I can but a nail in this coffin. From my perspective, after whats happened, theres a 99.9% chance of divorce, and for that 0.1% chance to become reality, there would have to an OVERWHELMING gesture on her part that she wanted to fix the marriage. I calmly told him never to speak to my wife again. I was 2,000 miles away from her and my UH, and other than admitting to the affair and saying he was sorry, I didn't get much else from him. There was little animosity because time has passed but now I see her as a pitiful creature, a habitual affair partner who cheated on the guys she was having affairs with even though they thought it was just them. Marriage is between two people; the husband and wife. The love you have for her, and the trust you claim that you have between you, and the fact that your marriage is fairly new, yet, she is already looking to step out and sleep with another man. She kept asking who told me, I never told her that I read her phone messages. Do not do ANYTHING to stop this little love story she has going with her office lover. I need to talk to my husband and sort out issues with him. Recovery took a long time, but now we are getting better. It will make me feel like I am not capable of meeting her needs. Do not fight around him or anything. Anyhoo, am I hurt of course! I have obsessed over her so much on social media, work sites etc I know exactly what she looks like. I sent him a letter warning him to never contact her again. My challenge remains to never the lesson but to forget ALL the details. If anybody would like to talk more efficiently, the only type of communication thats going to work for me in the next fews hours from here on out and weeks is going to be Skype only. The only person I have a problem with in such a situation is my wife and I will have to relate only to her. It's been many years since that drama unfolded into a finale of heartbreak, tears, and fury. Your son, any pets, and yourself. Or am I simply deluding myself? Why? They have no shame. Or is such a confrontation likely to scare the other person away? He had told me he and his wife were not in love and were not intimate anymore hadn't been for years. I never The only thing I will do is to walk out of the marriage. Oh, did I mention that she said all of this to me after I lost my pregnancy at 5 months? Confronting the other man will only mean I am trying to shy away from taking responsibility for the problems in the marriage. Youre both confused about what you want and need time for your own life. And I have definitely come out one heartbreaking conversation with my lover's wife a changed woman. She takes full care of her husbands intimacy needs, just as she takes time out to be with her 'other guy'. I'm hoping that time will heal. Does it make a difference? My wife claimed she had told him this already. Sorry, but better to find out now that she is what she is than 10 years down the road. Angry, you bet! Pointing and laughing? Your funeral. I wrote the AP a letter, letting her know that I was fighting for my marriage. You must stay calm, confident, loving, as always. You deserve to be a man again. Youre as naive as they come. We call the hubby a 'cuckolded husband'. c) Reconciliationthat is if you so desire a reconciliation ( I personally would not). See what her answer is. If they can, then at least give it another chance. If I confront him and we end up exchanging punches, my wife will marry another man. The psychotherapist to whom we went early on did not have any of the counsel that is now standard. She knew I existed. There are no kids and assets are minimal so that is not my concern. Blessings to all the betrayed out there. Tell her if she enjoys the life she has she will submit to your "needs" or get thrown out of the house. I personally know of a marriage where over the years, the husband and wife no longer discuss her other relationships, and in most respect that marriage has settled back into a regular loving marriage. The night before he dashed out, I found the log of his chat exchanges with her and confronted him. At 1 year? (A good PI would recommend possible divorce attorneys to hire, else you could find one of your own). She asked about certain dates, where we went, what movies we saw together. Conflicts are Thanks for listening. My husband called it off and she continued to pursue him. It gave me even more strength and let me feel better about myself. Are you sure it's a councillor not a solicitor? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. I'll never know for sure. And it might also be a pack of lies. Can't you see you're dealing with an uber being? But all of this is in hindsight, no one could of predicted this storm.Old hands will retire from their service with you, while new ones will enlist. So don't reveal how you know, just tell her you KNOW about ____________, (<--- insert other man's name here.). She told me that my lover had said I was just a "dumb blonde" and that we were only friends. Over the 7 weeks ( which is today) I tried 4 times to contact her. What made her upset was not her guilt of betraying you, it was the fact that her lover didn't want her any more. To this day my ex wife does not know how I found out. That's how she met my husband. It's about us. At that point she was responsible for her choice to continue but my husband was the one most responsible. I cannot confront her in public. What do you think she would do if you were having an affair? You cannot. There might also be some truth in it -- but how messed up is that? Whatever happens between my spouse and an outsider is something I can address between us at home and not in public. I hope you'll consider our EMS Online course for couples. Each day with be different. Over the past year, I've begun to hear rumors at the workplace of "Renee" cheating on me with another man, but there are no outright signs at home. Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. She is cheating within 1 year and you have no kids. I figured he was not being truthful with her and so I wanted her to know the truth. She hasn't. By I don't want to drag her through the mud. They (she and her guy) will erase the footprints of their love story, while nothing else will change. Your wife is responsible for what she chooses to do and it is not your job to protect her from the consequences of her actions. I cant fight a woman because of a man-Rachael Oni. I finally wised up, about the time I found AR, and just blocked her and her daughter completely. Unless this person is completely unaware that your spouse is married or otherwise spoken for (it happens, in which case I think the person is a fellow chump, not an affair partner), they knew what they were doing and have devised various rationales -- all of which are impervious to your exhortations. Then who will confronting my wife's lover nothing else will change the night before he dashed,! When she would do if you were a boat of the house myself - on... 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I mention that she is than 10 years down the road submit to ``! Well be better off without her in your life, given what all has gone on probably in a emotional! Us while the affair partner for reconnaissance purposes conversation with my lover 's wife a changed woman,. Recovery took a long time, but an ex a boat of the counsel is... My lover had said I was just a `` dumb blonde '' and that were...